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Baby Gap

 

My mother says I have a habit of erasing memories,
She does not know they explode inside me like black holes in empty spaces.
Like there is more space inside me,
left unattended,
left bruised and bended,
left just left
like a puncture in the chest.
Has your home ever broken your heart? A space where comfort was like hot chocolate, tulsi tea or homemade snacks and one drawing room T.V. It seems so far now, home, 10km, 40km, 8000km, just distance, just a lot of distance to cover.
You start a new day. Wake up. Brush along. Bathe afresh. Coffee stains kissing white table hues.
You walk your way, It’s a new day. You walk along and the energy fades away.
The sun is burning your spine, you have a lot of weight on your shoulders. There is distance left to cover but you stand still, the clock is ticking seconds away, minutes, hours, moments, frozen, time, memories. The light becomes its own devil, your shadow awaits your sight. You look how singular and grey and lone it feels and now you cannot trace your own heartbeat. Just a stuttering tongue, a trembling hand, your heart beats like closing doors- bang and bang and bang
like a careless roommate enters the room while you’re sleeping, closing the door, bang!
Has sudden rain ever saddened you in summer season? When clouds were whiplashed mightily, when sounds groaned hard up there and rain dropped unexpected, unwanted, unwelcomed, uncherished, uninvited, unsolicited, everything there is of beauty with a non-detachable ‘un.’
Undo
Undo
Undo
I wish we could attach un with do and erase those distances, spaces, time…
I do not know how having a baby feels like. My mother says,
‘You can never fill a baby gap with anything.’
That I know how feels like. Do you, too?

 

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