Ticking Backwards?


I’m absorbed in the simplicity of yesterday. Has that ever happened with you, passing the present moments into the beauty of the past? These distinctions we make, these objective constructs of time, I wonder sometimes if I should believe in them because sometimes time doesn’t feel like a set, categorized piece of convenience but a free reeling wave or cloud from which one moment slips to the other effortlessly, one moment transfiguring into the other in such a way that the present seems like the continuation of the past, both subtly marching into the unknown, armed with nothing!

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Baby Gap


My mother says I have a habit of erasing memories,
She does not know they explode inside me like black holes in empty spaces.
Like there is more space inside me,
left unattended,
left bruised and bended,
left just left
like a puncture in the chest.
Has your home ever broken your heart? A space where comfort was like hot chocolate, tulsi tea or homemade snacks and one drawing room T.V. It seems so far now, home, 10km, 40km, 8000km, just distance, just a lot of distance to cover.
You start a new day. Wake up. Brush along. Bathe afresh. Coffee stains kissing white table hues.
You walk your way, It’s a new day. You walk along and the energy fades away.
The sun is burning your spine, you have a lot of weight on your shoulders. There is distance left to cover but you stand still, the clock is ticking seconds away, minutes, hours, moments, frozen, time, memories. The light becomes its own devil, your shadow awaits your sight. You look how singular and grey and lone it feels and now you cannot trace your own heartbeat. Just a stuttering tongue, a trembling hand, your heart beats like closing doors- bang and bang and bang
like a careless roommate enters the room while you’re sleeping, closing the door, bang!
Has sudden rain ever saddened you in summer season? When clouds were whiplashed mightily, when sounds groaned hard up there and rain dropped unexpected, unwanted, unwelcomed, uncherished, uninvited, unsolicited, everything there is of beauty with a non-detachable ‘un.’
I wish we could attach un with do and erase those distances, spaces, time…
I do not know how having a baby feels like. My mother says,
‘You can never fill a baby gap with anything.’
That I know how feels like. Do you, too?